title: Global Perspectives Individual Project Feedback author: Max Bruges date: 2024-10-11
Jafet
| Criteria | Rating | Comments | To improve... |
|---|---|---|---|
| A: Analyses a global issue (AO1) | Good | The essay presents relevant information about the global issue of AI and robotics on jobs, but it lacks some depth in establishing the broader implications and supporting information. | ☑️ Include more specific examples of how different sectors are affected globally. ☑️ Discuss the implications on global economies in more detail. |
| B: Analyses causes and consequences (AO1) | Good | The essay explains causes and consequences of automation and AI, such as job displacement and increased inequality, but it does not analyse them in depth consistently throughout the essay. | ☑️ Provide a more detailed analysis of the potential long-term consequences on society. ☑️ Include statistics or case studies to support claims. |
| C: Analyses different perspectives (AO1) | Good | Presents global and national perspectives, particularly on the differing impacts in developed vs. developing countries, but lacks a deeper exploration of these perspectives and supporting evidence. | ☑️ Explore more perspectives, such as those of workers or industry leaders. ☑️ Provide more data or quotes from experts to support the perspectives. |
| D: Analyses and evaluates possible courses of action (AO1) | Good | The essay identifies three relevant courses of action (education, universal basic income, and international collaboration) but provides only some detail regarding their implementation and evaluation. | ☑️ Expand on the implementation details for each proposed solution. ☑️ Discuss potential challenges or drawbacks of each course of action. |
| E: Evaluation of evidence and sources (AO1) | Requires improvement | The essay references various studies and reports, but the evaluation of these sources' impact on the argument is somewhat limited, with just a couple of points made about their relevance and implications. | ☑️ Include a critical evaluation of the sources used, discussing their credibility and relevance. ☑️ Compare different studies to highlight differing viewpoints. |
| F: Reflection (AO2) | Requires improvement | There is some reflection on how the research findings influence the understanding of the issue, but it lacks depth and personal insight into how this affects the student’s perspective. | ☑️ Include personal reflections on how the findings have changed or reinforced views. ☑️ Discuss any new insights gained through research. |
| G: Structure and clarity (AO3) | Good | The essay is generally well-structured and mostly clear; however, there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors that affect flow and readability. | ☑️ Proofread to eliminate grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. ☑️ Consider using clearer transitions between sections. |
| H: Referencing (AO3) | Great | The references are complete and consistently formatted, indicating good adherence to academic standards for citation. | ☑️ Continue to use a variety of credible sources to enhance the depth of research. ☑️ Ensure that all quotes are properly attributed. |
Azlaan
| Criteria | Rating | Comments | To improve... |
|---|---|---|---|
| A: Analyses a global issue (AO1) | Requires improvement | The essay identifies the global issue of social media's impact on youth, but it lacks depth in analysis and supporting evidence. It does not establish the broader implications effectively. | ☑️ Include specific examples of how different regions are affected by social media. ☑️ Discuss the implications for global youth culture more comprehensively. |
| B: Analyses causes and consequences (AO1) | Requires improvement | The causes and consequences of social media use are mentioned, but the analysis remains superficial, lacking depth in understanding the socio-cultural dynamics involved. | ☑️ Provide a more detailed exploration of the long-term consequences on identity and mental health. ☑️ Incorporate statistics or studies to support claims. |
| C: Analyses different perspectives (AO1) | Requires improvement | The essay touches on different perspectives (cultural, religious), but lacks a thorough exploration of these viewpoints and does not provide sufficient evidence to support them. | ☑️ Explore more perspectives, such as those of parents, educators, or mental health professionals. ☑️ Use quotes or data from studies to enrich the discussion. |
| D: Analyses and evaluates possible courses of action (AO1) | Requires improvement | The essay suggests some actions to mitigate the negative effects of social media but lacks detail and evaluation of their effectiveness. | ☑️ Propose specific, actionable solutions and discuss their potential effectiveness. ☑️ Consider challenges in implementing these solutions. |
| E: Evaluation of evidence and sources (AO1) | Requires improvement | The essay references studies, but the evaluation of these sources is minimal and lacks depth, which weakens the argument. | ☑️ Critically evaluate the sources used, discussing their credibility and relevance. ☑️ Compare different studies to highlight varying viewpoints. |
| F: Reflection (AO2) | Requires improvement | There is minimal personal reflection on how the research findings influence the understanding of the issue, lacking depth and insight. | ☑️ Include personal insights on how the findings have affected your views. ☑️ Discuss any new insights gained through research or personal experiences. |
| G: Structure and clarity (AO3) | Good | The essay has a logical structure, but there are instances of awkward phrasing and minor grammatical errors that affect clarity. | ☑️ Proofread to eliminate grammatical errors and improve sentence clarity. ☑️ Use clearer transitions between sections to enhance flow. |
| H: Referencing (AO3) | Requires improvement | The essay lacks a complete bibliography, which is essential for academic integrity. Some sources are mentioned in the text but are not properly cited. | ☑️ Create a complete bibliography following a consistent citation style. ☑️ Ensure all sources mentioned in the text are properly cited in the reference list. |
Ali
| Criteria | Rating | Comments | To improve... |
|---|---|---|---|
| A: Analyses a global issue (AO1) | Good | The essay effectively establishes the global nature of the issue, detailing how the Russia-Ukraine war affects global trade and resources. However, it could benefit from more detailed supporting information and examples. | ☑️ Include more specific examples of how different sectors are affected globally. ☑️ Discuss the implications on global economies in greater detail. |
| B: Analyses causes and consequences (AO1) | Good | The essay identifies several causes and consequences of the war, such as resource shortages and inflation. However, the analysis could be more in-depth regarding the long-term effects on various countries and regions. | ☑️ Expand on the long-term consequences on global food security and economic stability. ☑️ Include statistics or case studies to support claims. |
| C: Analyses different perspectives (AO1) | Requires improvement | While the essay provides a good overview of the impacts on various regions, it lacks a clear exploration of differing perspectives, particularly those of affected communities or contrasting views on the conflict. | ☑️ Explore more diverse perspectives, such as those of farmers, economists, or local communities affected by the war. ☑️ Provide quotes or data from experts to support these perspectives. |
| D: Analyses and evaluates possible courses of action (AO1) | Requires improvement | The essay does not propose any specific courses of action to address the issues raised by the conflict, limiting the analysis to the consequences without offering potential solutions. | ☑️ Suggest possible courses of action that could mitigate the negative impacts of the war. ☑️ Discuss the role of international cooperation in addressing these challenges. |
| E: Evaluation of evidence and sources (AO1) | Good | The essay references various studies and data effectively, but the evaluation of these sources' impact on the overall argument is somewhat limited, as it does not critically engage with the reliability or implications of the sources used. | ☑️ Include a critical evaluation of the sources used, discussing their credibility. ☑️ Compare different sources to highlight varying viewpoints on the conflict. |
| F: Reflection (AO2) | Requires improvement | There is little personal reflection on how the research findings influence the understanding of the issue, lacking depth and personal insight into the implications of the conflict. | ☑️ Include personal reflections on how the findings have changed or reinforced views. ☑️ Discuss any new insights gained through the research process. |
| G: Structure and clarity (AO3) | Good | The essay is generally well-structured and clear, but there are some areas where the flow could be improved, and minor grammatical errors affect readability. | ☑️ Proofread to eliminate grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. ☑️ Consider using clearer transitions between sections for better flow. |
| H: Referencing (AO3) | Great | The references are complete and consistently formatted, indicating good adherence to academic standards for citation. | ☑️ Ensure that all quotes are properly attributed and that a wider range of credible sources is used to enhance depth. |
Mohammedreza
| Criteria | Rating | Comments | To improve... |
|---|---|---|---|
| A: Analyses a global issue (AO1) | Good | The essay effectively discusses the global issue of development in low-income communities, providing relevant examples and context. However, it could better establish the broader implications of these changes. | ☑️ Include more specific examples of how development impacts various regions globally. ☑️ Discuss the implications on global economies and societies in more depth. |
| B: Analyses causes and consequences (AO1) | Good | The essay identifies key causes and potential consequences of development, including its role in poverty alleviation and improved quality of life. Some areas could use deeper analysis. | ☑️ Provide a more detailed analysis of long-term consequences on society. ☑️ Include statistics or case studies to strengthen claims. |
| C: Analyses different perspectives (AO1) | Requires improvement | The essay touches on various aspects of development but lacks a comprehensive exploration of different perspectives, such as those of local communities or policymakers, and their varying impacts. | ☑️ Explore more perspectives, such as those of local residents or community leaders. ☑️ Include quotes or insights from experts in development studies. |
| D: Analyses and evaluates possible courses of action (AO1) | Good | The essay discusses several courses of action related to development, particularly in education, healthcare, and infrastructure. However, it lacks detail in evaluating the effectiveness of these actions. | ☑️ Expand on the implementation details for each proposed solution. ☑️ Discuss potential challenges or drawbacks of each course of action. |
| E: Evaluation of evidence and sources (AO1) | Requires improvement | The essay references a few studies and statistics, but the evaluation of these sources' impact on the argument is limited. It lacks critical engagement with the evidence presented. | ☑️ Include a critical evaluation of the sources used, discussing their credibility and relevance. ☑️ Compare different studies to highlight differing viewpoints. |
| F: Reflection (AO2) | Requires improvement | There is minimal personal reflection on how the research findings influence the understanding of the issue. The essay could provide deeper insights into the author's positionality regarding the topic. | ☑️ Include personal reflections on how the findings have changed or reinforced your views. ☑️ Discuss any new insights gained through research. |
| G: Structure and clarity (AO3) | Good | The essay is generally well-structured and clear, with logical progression between sections. Minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing are present, affecting overall readability. | ☑️ Proofread to eliminate grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. ☑️ Consider clearer transitions between sections to enhance flow. |
| H: Referencing (AO3) | Great | The references are complete and formatted consistently, adhering to academic standards for citation. | ☑️ Continue using a variety of credible sources to enhance the depth of research. ☑️ Ensure that all quotes are properly attributed. |
Sana
| Criteria | Rating | Comments | To improve... |
|---|---|---|---|
| A: Analyses a global issue (AO1) | Good | The essay effectively identifies the global issue of access to art education for children in low-income communities, supported by relevant information and examples. | ☑️ Expand on the global implications of art education access beyond local context. ☑️ Include more specific examples of worldwide initiatives that address this issue. |
| B: Analyses causes and consequences (AO1) | Good | The causes of limited access to art education and its consequences on children’s development and opportunities are discussed, although further depth in analysis is needed for full impact. | ☑️ Provide a more in-depth analysis of the long-term consequences of limited access on children's futures. ☑️ Include statistics or case studies to strengthen claims. |
| C: Analyses different perspectives (AO1) | Good | The essay presents perspectives on the government's role and societal benefits of art education, but it could benefit from exploring opposing viewpoints or broader perspectives. | ☑️ Include perspectives from parents, teachers, or community members on the importance of art education. ☑️ Consider discussing potential objections to government involvement. |
| D: Analyses and evaluates possible courses of action (AO1) | Good | The essay outlines several courses of action to improve access to art education but lacks detailed evaluation of their practicality and potential impact. | ☑️ Provide a more thorough evaluation of each proposed course of action, including potential challenges and benefits. ☑️ Suggest specific implementation strategies. |
| E: Evaluation of evidence and sources (AO1) | Requires improvement | The essay references various studies and reports, but the evaluation of these sources' relevance and impact on arguments is limited. | ☑️ Critically evaluate the credibility of sources and their implications on the argument. ☑️ Compare different studies to highlight varying viewpoints or findings. |
| F: Reflection (AO2) | Good | There is some reflection on the importance of art education, but it lacks personal insights or how the research has influenced the author's perspective. | ☑️ Include personal reflections on how the research findings may have changed or reinforced views. ☑️ Discuss any new insights gained through the research process. |
| G: Structure and clarity (AO3) | Good | The essay is generally well-structured and clear, with logical progression of ideas. However, there are minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that affect readability. | ☑️ Proofread to eliminate grammatical errors and improve sentence structure. ☑️ Consider clearer transitions between sections for better flow. |
| H: Referencing (AO3) | Great | The references are complete and correctly formatted, demonstrating adherence to academic standards for citation. | ☑️ Maintain the use of a variety of credible sources to enrich the depth of research. ☑️ Ensure all quotes are properly attributed and relevant to the discussion. |
Alex
| Criteria | Rating | Comments | To improve... |
|---|---|---|---|
| A: Analyses a global issue (AO1) | Requires Improvement | The essay identifies the issue of hospital costs but lacks a comprehensive analysis of the global implications and supporting information on how it affects healthcare systems worldwide. | ☑️ Provide more examples of how different countries manage costs while maintaining care quality. ☑️ Discuss the broader implications for global health systems. |
| B: Analyses causes and consequences (AO1) | Requires Improvement | While some causes and effects are outlined, the analysis lacks depth and detail, and does not sufficiently explain the significance of these costs on patient care and hospital operations. | ☑️ Elaborate on the long-term consequences of high hospital costs on healthcare accessibility and patient outcomes. ☑️ Include statistics to support claims. |
| C: Analyses different perspectives (AO1) | Requires Improvement | The essay presents local, national, and global perspectives, but does not fully develop these viewpoints or their implications in relation to the main question about cost reduction and quality of care. | ☑️ Explore differing viewpoints of stakeholders, such as patients, healthcare providers, and policymakers. ☑️ Provide more data or quotes for support. |
| D: Analyses and evaluates possible courses of action (AO1) | Requires Improvement | The potential solutions are mentioned, but there is insufficient detail regarding their evaluation, feasibility, or potential impact on cost reduction and quality of care. | ☑️ Include a more detailed analysis of the pros and cons of each proposed solution. ☑️ Discuss potential barriers to implementation for each solution. |
| E: Evaluation of evidence and sources (AO1) | Requires Improvement | The essay lacks references and does not evaluate the evidence used to support claims, making it difficult to assess the validity of arguments presented. | ☑️ Provide a critical evaluation of credible sources that could support the arguments. ☑️ Base claims on evidence from research or expert opinions. |
| F: Reflection (AO2) | Requires Improvement | There is minimal reflection on how the research findings influence understanding of the issue, and personal insights are lacking throughout the essay. | ☑️ Include reflections on how the research has shaped the student’s views on healthcare costs. ☑️ Discuss any insights gained from examining different perspectives. |
| G: Structure and clarity (AO3) | Requires Improvement | The organization of the essay is somewhat lacking, with some sections needing clearer transitions. There are also grammatical errors that affect readability. | ☑️ Use clearer transitions between sections to enhance flow. ☑️ Proofread for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity. |
| H: Referencing (AO3) | Requires Improvement | The essay does not include any references or sources, which is essential for supporting claims and academic integrity. | ☑️ Include references to credible sources to support arguments. ☑️ Ensure all claims are backed by evidence from research or expert opinions. |
Arhum
| Criteria | Rating | Comments | To improve... |
|---|---|---|---|
| A: Analyses a global issue (AO1) | Good | The essay effectively identifies the global issue of immigrant integration, presenting relevant information about its significance, but could enhance the depth of analysis regarding the broader implications. | ☑️ Include more specific examples of the global impact of immigration policies. ☑️ Discuss how different countries address integration challenges. |
| B: Analyses causes and consequences (AO1) | Good | The causes and consequences of integration challenges are outlined, such as discrimination and economic barriers, but some areas require deeper analysis and explanation of their implications. | ☑️ Elaborate on the long-term consequences of poor integration on society. ☑️ Provide statistics or case studies to enhance arguments. |
| C: Analyses different perspectives (AO1) | Good | The essay presents local, national, and global perspectives on integration, notably Canada and France, but could explore these viewpoints in greater depth and provide more supporting evidence. | ☑️ Explore additional perspectives, such as those of immigrants themselves or community organizations. ☑️ Provide more data or quotes from experts to support claims. |
| D: Analyses and evaluates possible courses of action (AO1) | Requires Improvement | The essay discusses various strategies for integration but lacks detailed evaluation of their effectiveness and potential drawbacks. | ☑️ Include a more detailed analysis of the pros and cons of each proposed solution. ☑️ Discuss potential barriers to implementing these solutions. |
| E: Evaluation of evidence and sources (AO1) | Good | The essay references credible sources, particularly in discussing Canada and France, but could enhance the evaluation of these sources' credibility and relevance to the arguments presented. | ☑️ Critically assess the sources used, discussing their credibility and relevance. ☑️ Compare different studies or reports to highlight varying viewpoints. |
| F: Reflection (AO2) | Requires Improvement | There is minimal reflection on how the research findings influence the understanding of the integration issue, and personal insights are lacking throughout the essay. | ☑️ Include reflections on how the research has shaped the student’s views on immigrant integration. ☑️ Discuss any insights gained from the different perspectives examined. |
| G: Structure and clarity (AO3) | Good | The essay is generally well-structured and clear, although some sections could benefit from improved transitions and coherence in argument flow. | ☑️ Use clearer transitions between sections to enhance flow. ☑️ Proofread for grammatical errors and improve sentence structure for better clarity. |
| H: Referencing (AO3) | Good | The references are appropriately cited and formatted, indicating adherence to academic standards; the bibliography is consistent with the information presented in the essay. | ☑️ Ensure all sources are cited correctly within the text. ☑️ Consider adding more references to further strengthen the arguments made. |